This is my story.
I sat alone in a dimly lit hallway. I distinctively remember the hard surfaces that surround me. There was a faint echo of others further away, but I was alone. I knew what I had to do. I reached for my phone and called my mother, I noticed a clock on the wall with read 3:15 AM. I knew I would wake her up, but she needed to know.
"Hello?" My mothers groggy voice answered.
"Hi Mom." I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I knew I didn't have much strength left so I had to make it quick.
"What's wrong" My mothers voice asked anxiously, clearly realizing something was wrong.
"......Mom..... the baby didn't make it." I waited for an answer, but all I heard was silence. I had to be strong enough to deliver the last piece of information. "And neither did Heidi."
I didn't wait for a reply. I couldn't take it any longer. My emotions overcame my senses. I dropped the phone to the floor and covered my eyes. I wept. I wished my life had ended right then and there. A few hours earlier I had gone to the hospital with my wife who was in labor. This was supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life. The day I became a father. It all happened shortly after we were admitted. A relatively small problem, turned into another problem, which escalated until the last moments of my wife's life. I watched the strength leave her body, and I knew she was gone. And here I was. Left alone. Every hope, plan, and dream had ended.
I woke up. I checked my wife who was sleeping next to me. She was real. It was only a nightmare, but it seemed so real. It was still dark in our room, checking the clock, it was 430 AM. I lay silent, and wept. What a horrible way to start off the day.
At the time of the dream Heidi was about 30 weeks along. I decided I wouldn't tell her about the dream, because I didn't want to cause alarm or panic. I kept it to myself. Whenever I had a thought of "i'm not ready to be a father" the dream sprang back into my mind. I knew what I wanted. I wanted to be a husband and a father. The dream seemed to weigh more and more heavy on my mind as the due date approached. I kept reminding myself that it was only a dream. I found myself praying a lot. I asked for everything to go well. I begged for my family to remain with me. I begged that my dream would not come true.
"I'm having contractions" was one of the first things Heidi told me that morning.
"Okay, I'll cancel work and be with you" I replied.
"No. It can take all day, but I don't want to be alone so i'll come with you" she countered.
Not wanting to argue with her, I took Heidi to work with me. (I'm a concrete contractor mind you)
When we get to the job I realize how ridiculous it was. The job was out in the commercial district of Salt Lake. We were working on a new road which had been put in about a week prior. I was working on some of the utilities and Heidi, not wanting to take it easy in the truck decided to come out and be with me. Every once in a while she would grimace in pain, and then go pack to normal. I didn't like the situation, but whenever I mentioned the idea of leaving she responded. "NO, Not until we are done." I called for some reinforcement so I could get done faster. By this time Heidi wasn't just watched me work, she was helping. She wanted to walk, so she walked a wheelbarrow about a quarter mile down the road. By this time I could tell it was getting pretty intense. She went and sat in the truck while I finished up a few things and waited for a someone else to come take my place.
After Vic arrived, (one of our guys) I explained a few things and got out of there. I wanted to head to the hospital, but Heidi wanted to wait. So we went home. We cleaned up and waited. It was pretty bad. I felt worthless. The only thing I could do is write down the timing and duration of contractions.
Heidi wanted to get a few things at target so we jumped in the car and headed over. By now the contractions were pretty bad. To the point where she could hardly breathe. Heidi kept saying she wanted to wait, because she didn't want the hospital to send her home. So while we were in Target and she was contracting, I decided to get a second opinion. I called my friend who is also a DR. He explained that we were to the point that we needed to go to the hospital.
I became excited. This was going to happen tonight! As we both started towards the register, we both had a boost of excitement/energy. And then low and behold, we have to run into people we know who want to talk. And at the exact time Heidi starts contracting again. We made our pleasantries short and got to the register to ring up our last minute (literally) items. And yeah you guessed it, the cashier wanted to talk about when we were due. "Tonight, Right now. We are going to the hospital now." Heidi said which seemed to be at the beginning of another contraction. At this proclamation, the line behind us seemed to get excited, wishing us the best we ran out of the store.
I didn't speed. My Dr friend said it wasn't necessary. I was a bit sad that I had lost my free day. On the drive Heidi called her mom to tell her the news. After She dialed my mom. When I heard the faint voice of my mother over Heidi's phone, my heart sank. The dream came flooding back into my memory. My excitement gone, and fear rising I began to pray.
We were pretty anxious to get into a room, for some reason you don't feel safe in the lobby. You need your own room for a baby to come.
Finally we were let into our room.
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